What Dating Men 20 Years My Senior Has Taught Me
Updated: May 12, 2020
When I was in the 6th grade, I thought the 8th grade boys were so cool and most definitely out of my league, but yet I still made efforts to sit in close proximity to them on bus rides home. As a freshman in high school, I became a water-girl and willingly allowed overflowing levels of testosterone from all the senior athletes (and even their coaches) to quench my thirst on a daily basis. In college, I sat in the front rows of my classes with the hot professors and even went out of my way to attend their office hours to go over tests that I easily passed. And upon freshly turning 21, I ditched the college parties, started meeting men in lines at grocery stores, and developed a fondness for the ones in their late 20’s. So I’m not surprised that at 24, I have found myself drawn to men in their 40’s — and I don’t see myself turning back any time soon. It started off as just an experiment by dating outside of my comfort zone for the sake of growth and potentially meeting my Prince Chargecard (a.k.a. a wealthy and generous sugar daddy) but mostly for growth (maybe). I increased the age range on my Tinder and began going to upscale bars alone. Over the last 6 months*, I have met countless older men. I have eaten at some of the best restaurants in Atlanta, received valuable stock and investment advice during these strange economic times, and even experienced one side of my face going numb after a night of receiving endless and skillful oral sex. Although I never met the sugar daddy, I met many men who added value to my life in a plethora of other ways. It occurred to me that dating older has become my new reality when I realized the only men who now text my phone are between 15 and 30 years older than me. I know this probably sounds bizarre or creepy to you but I swear it’s not as weird as you may assume. It’s true, the “daddy-daughter” thing does exist but, in my experience, not in a perverted way. It manifests as them opening all doors for you in the name of chivalry, helping guide you where you seek guidance, and refusing to let you fall flat on your face as a clumsy and reckless 20-something. And by no means do I try to compete with wives and/or women much older than me. I know what I bring to the table and what I don’t, and so do the men I date. Unlike many other women, I am not dating to find “the one” — the man with whom I’ll fall madly in love with, marry, then have babies and live happily ever after with. That's just not what I’m in the market for. I’m looking for evolving romance with a roster of lovers who will support me, please me, and give me space when necessary. I look for men with deep understandings of healthy love and romance and decades of connective experiences to back it up. Likely, these men already tried the marriage thing and realized it wasn’t for them. So they’re not looking to tie me down. They’re looking for each of us to provide value to each other's lives for however long it makes sense. They’re looking for fun times without a whole lot of commitment — just like me. But I should add that substance is mandatory. These days it takes a lot to grab (and keep) my attention. So not only must our intentions align, but my partners must be successful, articulate, and able to actually add value to my life. Being attractive does nothing for me, having a ton of followers does not impress me, having a big dick is unamusing (personally, I love a good ole’, average-sized penis), and compliments on my appearance are absolutely lazy. I’m looking for business advice and investment recommendations, unbelievable travel stories and life experiences, and meaningful conversations and fresh perspectives that mold me into a better person. It didn't take me long to realize that men my age simply cannot provide me what I truly want and need, so I continued my search for more and learned so much in the process. I could write a book on everything I have learned, but for now I will keep it short. Older men are longing for attention. They’re longing for a small taste of their youth, some excitement to spice up their boring daily routine, and to be told that they “still got it”. The married ones are too comfortable. The single ones have too much time on their hands. The good ones never argue with you and will gladly help you out whenever and wherever you need it. The not-so-good ones are womanizers, man children, and used to getting what they want (and will throw fits when they don’t). There are men at 40 whose intelligence, maturity, and compassion are at levels that are challenging for me to comprehend. But there are also men at 40 who have never lived — only existed — and, therefore, struggle to carry on a decent conversation with me. In my opinion, age should come with vast and increasing self-awareness. By now, these men should know what they want and what they like. While some will bluntly let you know, others will want you to read between the lines. Nonetheless, their true intentions can and will always be discovered. Seduction (not to be confused with manipulation) is necessary as these men have seen it all and it requires a bit of effort to stand out amongst a sea of wonderful women in today’s world. I’ve had to learn new ways of “playing the game”; the skills I acquired over the years have been useless since now I am in an entirely different ball game. In short, **Quinn taught me how to chase wealth not riches. Paul educated me on my wine palette. Doug taught me how to manage my emotions. Joe inspired me to start exercising daily. And Chris taught me that slow sex is the best sex. (Speaking of sex, having sex with a man in his house that he owns and lives alone in just hits different.) But as cliche as it sounds, the most important lesson I’ve learned is that age really is just a number. Some of these men wow me with their knowledge, while others bore me with their narcissism — making me feel as though I’m dating someone actually significantly younger than me. Older men aren’t more complex because they are older; there are just far more benefits to dating them. I would pick hanging out with an old guy over a guy my age any day. We fuck to Nina Simone instead of Nav, we dine at Aria instead of Arby’s, and we drink Cava instead of Capriccio. The advantages of dating older greatly outweigh the disadvantages — the main disadvantage being that none of them use emojis and that’s a component of my text life that has been incredibly hard to give up.
*This piece was written b4 the world crashed. **Names have been changed for anonymity and discretion.